Sounds like the dream, doesn’t it? I couldn’t have imagined a world where I wouldn’t have the daily pressure to do / guilt of not doing my physio with my knee replacement and the orthopaedic issues that this came with.
Having a folded up print out from my physiotherapist with the pressure of the next appointment looming and goals to be met was a solid part of my life for a decade.
I will always remember my first physiotherapist, Airlee. She was GREAT. She was Australian and so engaging. I looked forward to seeing her and finding out what fun activity we would do that week. This was in the first year after my knee replacement (age 9). She knew what I liked and personally catered for me. I used to draw with my feet because she knew I loved art and it would distract me from the pain of lifting my leg up and moving it around. She was a blessing in my life.
And then, she left. To go back to Australia. I cried when she left. And then I saw someone else, whose name I can’t even remember – although I did see so many medical professionals at this point that it would have been almost impossible to remember them all.
And she was… awful. She came to my house and I was screaming in pain. I had nerve damage in my left foot from a complication in my knee replacement which caused it to be hypersensitive. And I mean, HYPERsensitive. I had to wear a foot brace on it at night for years because a duvet brushing against it would feel like a knife slicing it. And the new physiotherapist thought I was exaggerating this sensitivity (as did a lot of medical professionals, which I am still trying not to hold resentment for). And so, she grabbed my left foot and squeezed it. I remember the moment clearly, I have actual PTSD about this moment. No one can touch my left foot still, even 13 years on.
And that was it. My all-encompassing hatred for physiotherapy began. My parents knew it had to be done, so I would have to lay on the living room floor and complete my sets of 10 of each leg strengthening exercise. And I was so miserable. It hurt and was uncomfortable. I had that Sunday-night-and-haven’t-done-my-homework-yet feeling all day until I was forced to do it. (I needed to be forced, otherwise my leg would have been very weak and much much worse in the long run).
And then I became older and my physio became less intense, when I was probably around 15. I ‘had’ to do less and less until I just stopped doing it. I would go to an appointment every 3 months or so and lie about doing it. And because I was so mobile for a young person with my surgical history, it was not really questioned. There would be disappointment but I could deal with that. Anything was better than having to do daily physio on the living room floor.
So I stopped doing any physio, and my leg physically wasted away. When I started uni it was quite a jump into adulthood in terms of my medical care. I had to make my appointments and somehow find my way to them (I’m so glad I will never have to get a £200 train from Plymouth to Oxford ever again). My parents weren’t there to drive me around and keep track of where I needed to be. I found this so hard. I cancelled appointments. I didn’t show up to so many because I’d lost track of when they were which I then felt very guilty for because of wasting NHS money. And physio was so far down the list of medical priorities that it didn’t even exist in my sphere of being.
My leg was in such pain. My limp was getting worse from the lack of strength. And then, I’d say in the summer semester of first year, I decided to take control.
I must have had 100s of physio appointments in my life. I knew what I had to do. I didn’t need to get it checked out or a plan written for me. I knew what I needed to do, I just wasn’t doing it.
And then I thought outside the box. I could incorporate my physio exercises into exercise that I actually wanted to do. I started doing yoga and going to a ballet dance class. I enjoyed them and realised that I was doing my physio-prescribed exercises without thinking about it.
I didn’t have to force myself to lay on the living room floor and follow a worksheet of 10 x leg raises. I would do these as part of what I would call a ‘normal people’ routine with arm exercises in-between which made them so much easier.
I got quite into the gym after uni, when I was unemployed and had all the time in the world, and I would create routines with my physio exercises included. There would be other ab / arm exercises in-between that even made the leg ones seem gentle. Anything feels gentle after a 45 second plank.
And just like that, I eliminated physio from my life. I have done my physio for years now without thinking of it in that way, and my leg is stronger than ever.
So, whatever it is: yoga, pilates, dancing, Zumba, swimming, Joe Wicks, or Pamela Reif – following a workout will free you form the dread of physio while allowing you to reap all the benefits.
Remission Life 